Right before the pandemic started, students of Delhi University were using their right to protest. Standing against the flower show held in VC lawns while North Delhi was up in flames with riots and brutality at every turn. Standing against the idea that the lives of others are of no consequence to us, that the fact that the absence of a few students should not bother us. While being a part of those narratives, I was baffled at the callous attitudes I met, the injustice we faced, but I suppose I should have been more appreciative of my right to protest. With that voice now taken away from me, the University of Delhi along with most people in power are finally able to focus on their priorities without any interruptions. I can almost imagine a smile appear on their faces, knowing that right now, they have the power to make a decision to impact millions without any repercussions because the noise we create is just that, noise.
My journey at the University has been one that I am proud of. I have been proud to hold association with such a reputed university in my country, to have met and become friends with people across India, to have been a part of several teams and learnt more than I could have ever imagined. I love the name of my college and that I spent the past three years of my life here, fulfilling my desires and receiving constant support from the college. However, now as I sit here, wondering whether my exams will happen or not, all the protests I was involved in are highlighted in my mind. I loved my college because I never succumbed to my college. The support was not exactly constant, I had to force them to support us, support student’s rights and now I can’t.
Now, I just wait. I have been waiting for more than two months now. I wake up and wonder. The term anxiety is filling up my college group chats, riddled between each, “when will we know?”. The worst part is that I sit here helpless and I know that no one cares. No one cares about our Twitter storm, our Instagram protests or our signed online petitions. No one is sitting and reading our messages, our email or picking up our phones. This shouldn’t surprise me, I had to protest for them to hear my voice. They have never asked or cared. I always had to protest and now I can’t even do that.
One of the questions that come to my mind is, “Aren’t universities made to help students learn?”. The word to focus on here is help. A university is supposed to help its students grow. Yet I feel like students are a huge burden to universities these days. Our mental health issues are a burden because they interrupt your schedules. Our protests are an inconvenience because you don’t actually care but now will be forced to make some change so we stop. You are not trying to help us. Students have to score as high as 99% and 100% to be selected and then subsequently treated like a burden. “Ugh, you were sick… so, thoda fever toh sab ko ho jata hai… You missed a test to participate in a cultural event, so? I can’t keep taking retests… You want a break? Why? Aisa kya kar liya?”. And the response to students wanting final exams to get cancelled- “You are just sitting at home na, why can’t you study? Stop being lazy”. At every turn, our issues are trivialised and we are reminded that they are simply excuses. And mind you, I speak from a position of endless privilege, I only wonder what my peers are struggling with at this very moment.
If you think, ‘oh no this isn’t true, they care’, have you ever gone to someone from the administrative department of any college and not been met with hostility? Have you ever gotten a response without banging on the glass doors, repeating your query fifty times so they’d listen or waiting for hours under the summer sun? They create systems to keep you in place, so that student number 9, comes, gets processed and leaves. Who teaches you, what you learn, is not of any importance. Even our teachers struggle to matter to an institution made primarily of students and teachers.
In fact, let me take some blame off of the University of Delhi. Yes, they cancelled ECA quota because it is too much work for them to update their processes. Yes, they have not found a way to ensure all students are able to register onto the online portal for examinations. Yes, their payment gateways are functioning without any issues… wait, what?
But, I also recently applied to several international universities and met with similar treatment. I spent hours creating a Statement of Purpose for them, writing a three- thousand-word essay, building a resume, getting multiple Letters of Recommendation, and the list goes on. When I am finally selected and granted admission, the university distances itself from me. It stops being as approachable and caring. It takes its mask off and makes me stare at the notification- ‘email sent 20 days ago, send a reminder?’.
I understand that the pandemic caught you off guard, but the pandemic also caught me off guard. All my dreams, hopes and plans have been put on hold. Put on hold till you respond to my email. Till you tell me- when will the course begin? Can I defer my offer? What happens to my accommodation if I am unable to travel? There are so many questions that I need answers to so I can take my next step. If only you would respond.
Oh, you did! Wait, it’s a notification asking for a deposit.
Great. More debt.
Alright, I guess I should just stay calm. I only have to wait till 15th of August 2020, and then I will finally find out when (if) my exams will be conducted… or will I?
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